You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
