Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
