Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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