It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
either way he was missing a nipple.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
