I didn't shave. On purpose
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
