youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
