New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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