Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
