I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
