cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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