He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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