Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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