3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
