That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
