I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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