Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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