peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
