Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
