I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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