I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
