Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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