And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
