He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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