Buhtt sex?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
