Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
