and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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