think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
