Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
