Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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