So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need water and some morals
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
