ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
pray to the hookup gods
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
