my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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