Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
