You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
