Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
