He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
