woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
