you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
