I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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