but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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