ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you will always have a special place in my vag
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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