I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
did i walk over a car last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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