why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
