I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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