You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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