My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
