We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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