So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
