This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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