uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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