Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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