I think I died a long time ago.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
